Musings on Love (Part II)

II Samuel 13:14-15    Howbeit he would not hearken to her voice: but being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone.

Love is a verb so said Dc Talk. I agree. Like I said in my last post, love is all about doing. Love is not something that should be said alone, it must be shown. However, many women seem to be looking for the words alone without taking any thought about whether it is being shown. It’s been said that women react to what they hear and that’s why a lot of men now use those three words, “I Love You” as some sort of magic wand to get their way.

The story is told in the Bible in II Samuel 13 of Amnon, one of King David’s children. He developed this passionate and intense “love” for his half-sister, Tamar. This passion was so great and intense that he developed a ploy to get her to come to his room. He pretended he was sick and got Tamar to come to his room to serve him. He then tried to get her to sleep with him. She protested, asking to instead ask their father David for her hand in marriage. But of course Amnon wasn’t interested in that kind of commitment. All he was interested in was scratching an itch. He proceeded to rape her and after he had slaked his lust, he grew to hate her as passionately as he thought he loved her. In the end, she committed suicide from the ensuing shame and he ended up being killed by Absalom, her brother. The story is a cautionary tale on what love is NOT.

I would really like us to be real here. We’ve all seen one Hollywood film or the other where the young, handsome boy wants to have sex with the beautiful girl. She’s reluctant at first but then he tells her if she loves him, she’ll sleep with him. The girl thinks she is so she agrees. And the audience goes “Awwww” at young love. I think we should back up here. There are so many things wrong there. First of all, love does not demand, nor does it seek to get. Love gives without demanding anything in return. Love expects to be loved in return but will never demand it. God loves us and expects us to love him but he doesn’t demand our love. He gave us Jesus, grace, joy, peace and an awesome life package in the covenant he made with us. Jesus said if we loved him we would keep his commandments but he doesn’t beat on us on the head when we don’t obey. Instead he gives us more grace.

The second thing is that love is not a feeling or an emotion. A feeling or emotion arises based on certain circumstances. A person might feel they are in love when someone pays them attention, makes them laugh, agrees with them, lets them have their way, tells them they’re always right. Any set of circumstances can lead to the “feeling” of love. Love is not a feeling. Its foundation is not a feeling. Love is a decision. God knew each and every one of us before we were born and yet he still loved us and set Jesus ahead to die for us. He told Jeremiah that before he was born, he knew him. That tells me that love is a decision. Love is about knowing what you know about someone and still loving them. If love is a decision, then it follows that love is a choice. If love is a choice, hate is also a choice. As I have said earlier, love is not an emotion. So then, it means that love is a decision, a choice to continue to do the things expected of love. Which is why I do not believe in love at first sight. There might be attraction at first sight but not love. Which is why I also do not believe that love can “die”. I believe that what happens is that people refuse to continue choosing to do the things that love requires of them. In essence, love is work.  

Love is not sex. Today’s culture has made sex synonymous with love. Nothing could be further from the truth. As I stated above, there are certain circumstances that might making a person feel he or she is in love with someone of the opposite sex. When you have those circumstances and then you add sex to it, you get a combustible mixture. God created sex and I believe he did it to engender closeness and feeling of goodwill among married people among other uses. However, outside of marriage, it takes on the feeling of just wanting to scratch an itch that comes along very often. In that case, anybody or anything would do. Love does not use to slake a thirst.

What then is love? I believe that love is a deep, abiding and intense desire that seeks the best of and for the person loved and doing all within our power to make sure that desire comes to pass and is fulfilled. Even when rebuffed or not acknowledged, it continues on. Love is not based on present circumstances, emotion or needs but a vision of what the beloved person can be or become with love. That’s why love builds, edifies, encourages, provides, sustains and ultimately lays down everything for the sake of the beloved if needed. Anything else short of this will not do.

JC Cruz is the author of DECEPTIO published by WestBowPress, a division of Thomas Nelson publishers.http://bookstore.westbowpress.com/Products/SKU000194087/Deceptio.aspx and LOST, BUT FOUND available at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DPLLEUQ/. You can follow him on Twitter @Cruz_JCReal