That's right. You heard me correctly (or is that "read me correctly?). Everybody you interact with in any way has an agenda for their interaction with you. A boss has an agenda when he interacts with a subordinate. Either he has the interest of the business, the subordinate or his own at heart or a combination of either of them. He does not speak in a vacuum. In the same way, a husband or wife has a motive or agenda when they speak to their spouse especially if there is a decision to be made. Even Jesus had a motive and an agenda for the words that he spoke. He came to the earth as a result of prophecies that had gone before him. Therefore when he came to the earth, he spoke words that would ensure that the prophecies would be fulfilled. Jesus had a simple agenda, to turn the hearts of men back to God and to draw men into a thankful and honest worship of God. Like Lecrae said, if someone tells you that there is no truth, the first question you should ask is why you should believe him. Even the atheist who says there is no God has an agenda. He wants to convince you of the truth of his own way of thinking.
I know a lot of people reading this have a problem with the words motive and agenda because they feel it connotes something negative and would rather deny that they have a motive or agenda when talking with their friends or spouse. However, the definition of motive simply is that it's the reason for doing something. Therefore having a motive or an agenda is not a bad thing. It's okay to have a motive. What is important is what drives the motive and how it is expressed. I recently saw a post on Twitter by Bishop T. D. Jakes for his new programme on BET, Mind, Body and Soul. According to him, the woman at times goes into marriage thinking she can change her husband while the man goes into marriage hoping the woman won't change.
That really got me thinking. On the one hand there's a man who didn't expect his wife to change but then after four children he notices changes in her body due to childbirth that he can't deal with. So he want's the wife to take up jogging. The wrong motive would be that he want's her to do it not because it's healthy and it would prolong her life but he wants her to do it for him. All his friends have exchanged their first wives for a younger, more svelte model. He hasn't done that yet so he feels embarrassed when he goes out with his friends. They are there with their slim wives who haven't had any children and probably don't want and he's there with his wife who's carrying a few extra pounds. So he thinks up a great programme for her for his sake. The right motive would be that he encourages her to do it for herself, her health and her own self esteem. That would be having a motive based on love.
On the other hand, the motive might be based on love but the method of achieving the motive might be extremely cruel. The Bible says in 1 Cor 13 vs 4-5: "Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Does not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil." While there might be a place for tough love, I do not see how tough love would necessarily equate with nagging, jeering, mocking, insulting or abusive words. Rather than making fun of her, he might get more joy with encouraging her to take up jogging and suggesting that they establish a new routine of running together. Suggesting something positive that both of you can do where you get to spend time together will work wonders for her weight and the marriage.
It also works the other way as well. I remember hearing the story of a girl who came from a well to do family who was going out with a boy who was just finding his feet. The girl first of all gave him conditions on how many times in a week they would go out on dates. Then she told him he needed to change his car because she was ashamed of being seen in his car. It wasn't surprising the guy took off. Trying to change a man is nigh on impossible and then you you want him to change because of you so as to prove his love. Which in essence is blackmail. Which is no different from the immature and selfish 16 year old boy who has an itch and tells the girl she needs to sleep with him to prove her love. Like the boy, when you ask someone to prove their love, it most and generally shows that you don't love them in the first place. Also, nagging and complaining never really works. He might end up doing what you want and you think you're victorious. Then you notice he spends less time at home. Not because he's having an affair. It's because he just want's peace. The Bible in the book of Proverbs says that it's better to stay on the edge of a roof than stay in the same house with a quarrelsome woman. Selah.
So it's okay to have motives and to express them. It just depends on what drives the motive and how it is expressed. If the motive is out of love and a desire to make the other person or thing better, things will generally work out fine. However, when we put ourselves first, we can be sure that things will go awry soon or later.
So what's your motive?
JC Cruz is the author of DECEPTIO published by WestBowPress, a division of Thomas Nelsonpublishers.http://bookstore.westbowpress.com/Products/SKU000194087/Deceptio.aspx and LOST, BUT FOUND availableat http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DPLLEUQ/
I know a lot of people reading this have a problem with the words motive and agenda because they feel it connotes something negative and would rather deny that they have a motive or agenda when talking with their friends or spouse. However, the definition of motive simply is that it's the reason for doing something. Therefore having a motive or an agenda is not a bad thing. It's okay to have a motive. What is important is what drives the motive and how it is expressed. I recently saw a post on Twitter by Bishop T. D. Jakes for his new programme on BET, Mind, Body and Soul. According to him, the woman at times goes into marriage thinking she can change her husband while the man goes into marriage hoping the woman won't change.
That really got me thinking. On the one hand there's a man who didn't expect his wife to change but then after four children he notices changes in her body due to childbirth that he can't deal with. So he want's the wife to take up jogging. The wrong motive would be that he want's her to do it not because it's healthy and it would prolong her life but he wants her to do it for him. All his friends have exchanged their first wives for a younger, more svelte model. He hasn't done that yet so he feels embarrassed when he goes out with his friends. They are there with their slim wives who haven't had any children and probably don't want and he's there with his wife who's carrying a few extra pounds. So he thinks up a great programme for her for his sake. The right motive would be that he encourages her to do it for herself, her health and her own self esteem. That would be having a motive based on love.
On the other hand, the motive might be based on love but the method of achieving the motive might be extremely cruel. The Bible says in 1 Cor 13 vs 4-5: "Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Does not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil." While there might be a place for tough love, I do not see how tough love would necessarily equate with nagging, jeering, mocking, insulting or abusive words. Rather than making fun of her, he might get more joy with encouraging her to take up jogging and suggesting that they establish a new routine of running together. Suggesting something positive that both of you can do where you get to spend time together will work wonders for her weight and the marriage.
It also works the other way as well. I remember hearing the story of a girl who came from a well to do family who was going out with a boy who was just finding his feet. The girl first of all gave him conditions on how many times in a week they would go out on dates. Then she told him he needed to change his car because she was ashamed of being seen in his car. It wasn't surprising the guy took off. Trying to change a man is nigh on impossible and then you you want him to change because of you so as to prove his love. Which in essence is blackmail. Which is no different from the immature and selfish 16 year old boy who has an itch and tells the girl she needs to sleep with him to prove her love. Like the boy, when you ask someone to prove their love, it most and generally shows that you don't love them in the first place. Also, nagging and complaining never really works. He might end up doing what you want and you think you're victorious. Then you notice he spends less time at home. Not because he's having an affair. It's because he just want's peace. The Bible in the book of Proverbs says that it's better to stay on the edge of a roof than stay in the same house with a quarrelsome woman. Selah.
So it's okay to have motives and to express them. It just depends on what drives the motive and how it is expressed. If the motive is out of love and a desire to make the other person or thing better, things will generally work out fine. However, when we put ourselves first, we can be sure that things will go awry soon or later.
So what's your motive?
JC Cruz is the author of DECEPTIO published by WestBowPress, a division of Thomas Nelsonpublishers.http://bookstore.westbowpress.com/Products/SKU000194087/Deceptio.aspx and LOST, BUT FOUND availableat http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DPLLEUQ/
No comments:
Post a Comment