LOST, BUT FOUND (EXCERPT)

Anna was looking around the sitting room. The place was lovely. It was a beautiful blend of antiques and modern furniture. She wondered if the place had been done by Jessica or by an interior decorator. She would bet that it was the latter. The whole place spoke of wealth. Again seeing evidence of the wealth that Jessica lived in made her start feeling sorry for herself all over again. Her apartment was nothing compared to this. In fact it looked downright shabby.

Stop it, a voice in her head said. She might not have all that Jessica had but at least she had Ben and their son and she was happy. And nothing could take that from her. Jessica might have all this but who knew if she was happy? And besides, she didn’t have the most important thing of all, even with all her wealth.

“I’m surprised that you’re here.”

Anna was startled out of her reverie by the words. She turned her wheel chair to see Jessica coming into the room behind her. As usual, she seemed to be dressed in the latest and definitely expensive looking clothes.

“I would have thought I was last person you would want to see,” Jessica continued as she sat on a settee that was opposite to Anna. Her words came out stilted and forced.

“I know,” Anna replied. “But I felt led to come and speak to you.”

Jessica stiffened. So Anna felt led. Jessica had grown up hearing her father say such things. It was supposedly Christianese for saying that some greater power was at work. It was a Christian’s way of saying that he was being made to do something he would normally not have done. Or something like that.

“Really,” Jessica said. She looked at her watch wondering how long she would let her speak before she threw her out.

Anna saw her looking at her watch and suddenly felt nervous. All that she had wanted to say and the order she had wanted to say them in became a jumble. She had to find a way to get her point across.

“Remember what you said when you were over at my place?” Anna asked. “What you said about me becoming a Christian just because I thought God would heal me?”

Jessica stiffened. “I believe I apologised for that. I’m sorry if I caused any offence.....”

“You were right,” Anna said cutting into Jessica’s rambling.

“Excuse me?” Jessica said, confused. She thought that was why she had brought it up, to get an apology from her.

“I said you were right,” Anna said speaking out. “For a long time, the reason I was calling myself a Christian was because I wanted something from God. I wasn't serving God because I should. I was serving him because I wanted something from him.”

Jessica was silent. She didn't know what to say. She thought both of them were the same thing.

“When the accident happened, I blamed myself every day. I used to tell myself that if I only I hadn't gone out drinking, I would still be walking. Or that if only I hadn't gone into the car not caring that the driver was drunk, I would still be walking. On the other hand, I thought about how life was so unfair and that God must be so wicked that he allowed it to happen. You can imagine that I wasn't a very happy person in those days. I could say that I was depressed.”

Anna stared into space as her mind went back to the days following her accident. “In the end, I slipped into denial. I began to tell myself that the doctor must be wrong and that I was still going to walk. Every day when I woke up, I expected that I was going to be able to move my legs. That I would suddenly get up from my wheel chair and begin to walk to every one’s astonishment.”

“I couldn't really find any peace from the worries on my mind so I began to go to the church in the evenings to pray. Then just because I felt there was nothing else to do, I started going to church. I would come late and sit at the back and then leave before the service was over.”

“Then one day, I got to church and the pastor was preaching about how there was nothing God could not do. How there was nothing impossible for God. He said that there was no disease, no sickness that God did not have a cure for. That all we needed to do was believe and have faith and trust in him like a child.”

Anna’s face lightened up with a smile as she remembered. “There and then I decided that if God could make me walk again even if the doctors had failed, I was going to try him. So when there was an altar call that day, I came out. I converted to Christianity because of my selfish desires. All the talk of being a sinner, needing Jesus, being repentant, everything went over my head. I didn't think I was a sinner at all. My whole aim was to get God to heal me.”

“I fasted and prayed for months that God would just make me walk again. It was as if that was all God existed for. To ensure he did all within his power to make sure I walked again. I went back to college and I started attending fellowship. I did everything I could do to deserve that healing. I practically worked or it. I didn’t mind all the people who made fun of me as I knew what I was going to get from God.”

“It was in college that I met Ben. From the first day that we met, I knew that there was something special about him. We hit it off immediately. But I was scared. I wondered what someone like him would want with someone like me who was in a wheel chair. But I would like to think he looked past the shriveled body and saw something that even I didn't know was there.”

“He was the one that made me understand that God is not some waiter waiting at our beck and call just to grant our demands. That God doesn't really need us but we are the ones who need him. Salvation and becoming a Christian isn't about God taking all our pain away, it’s about helping us bear the pain and trouble we go through so that we can share God’s love with other people.”

“I honestly believe that God does have the power to heal. I honestly believe that God can heal me. But I believe even more that God has a purpose for each of our lives. I believe that he uses the circumstances we go through to minister to us and to the people that we meet. Like he told Paul, his grace is sufficient for us. His intention is that even in the midst of our pain and trouble we will come to know and understand the purpose that he has for our lives.”

“I used to think that life was all about me. But I have come to understand that life is not about me but it’s about the people I meet every day. It’s about the people who come into my life and those who I meet. God wants us to be able to reflect him properly to them and show them his love.”

Jessica shifted uncomfortably in her seat.  She wasn't comfortable with all this talk. She wanted to ask Anna to leave but she didn't say anything.

“I believe that there is something on the inside of every man that makes you search for God. That makes you want to worship him. It’s when people don’t find him that they worship other things like wood, snakes, trees, iron, and goats. It’s when people don’t know where to look for him that they end worshiping the wrong things or they end up in a cult.”

“There are people who have come to God because they heard someone preach about him. Then there are those who find him in times of great pain and trouble or personal grief. But regardless of how they found him, they realised that they needed him and they held on to him. I believe that regardless of who we are or what we are or are not going through, we all need God.”

Anna held up something she had been holding in her lap. It was a small book and she held it out to Jessica. “That’s why I brought this. It’s a Bible. I’m not so foolish as to ask you to make a decision right now. But I want you to have this. I want you to read it and I’ll be hoping and praying for you that you find him too.”

Jessica stared at the Bible as if she had been offered a snake. She folded her arms across her chest and said, “Thank you but I think I’ll keep my problems to myself.” She made no move to accept the Bible.

Anna wasn't surprised. To be honest, she was a little hurt but she wasn't surprised. She wheeled herself over to a table and dropped the Bible on it. She turned to Jessica and smiled. “Thank you so much for your time, I really appreciate it. I’ll be on my way.”

Jessica followed her to the door. Just before they got to the door, it burst open with some force and Catherine stormed into the house. She slammed the door after her and began storming into the room. She stopped in her tracks when she saw her mother and another woman in a wheel chair.

“What’s wrong Catherine?” Jessica asked.

“I am so not going to be friends with Carrie again,” Catherine said fuming, “She is so mean.” She however refused to elaborate on how Casey had been mean. She was also busy staring at Anna as if she was from Mars.

Anna held out a hand to the girl and smiled. “Hello. My name is Anna. Anna Palmer.”

Catherine’s eyes widened as she shook hands with her. “I’m Catherine. Are you the one who fought with my mom over a boy in high school?”

“Catherine!”Jessica shouted, embarrassed.

Anna didn't know who was more embarrassed, her or Jessica. However, she was more surprised than embarrassed. She was looking at Catherine in surprise and there was a question in her eye. She would never have thought that Jessica had a daughter this old. The girl looked like thirteen or fourteen.

“It’s nice to meet you Catherine. I was just leaving. Maybe I’ll see you some other time,” Anna said as she wheeled herself through the door that Jessica held open. “Bye.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Jessica closed the door behind her and walked back into the sitting room behind her daughter.

“You didn't tell me what happened between you and Carrie.”

“I don’t want to talk about it mom. At least not now,” Catherine said. She looked down and saw the book on the table. “What’s this?” she asked as she picked it up the Bible from the table. She opened the leather bound cover to look at first page. “Oh, it’s a Bible.” She looked at her mother in surprise. “Are you the one reading the Bible mom? Is it yours?”

Jessica removed the book from her daughter’s hands. “It must be Anna’s. She must have forgotten it. I’ll keep it for her.”

JC Cruz is the author of DECEPTIO published by WestBowPress, a division of Thomas Nelson publishers.http://bookstore.westbowpress.com/Products/SKU000194087/Deceptio.aspx and LOST, BUT FOUND available at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DPLLEUQ/.